I’ve been through it three times and the thought of doing it again feels absolutely exhausting: parenting toddlers and preschoolers. It’s true that the teen years present some emotionally exhausting issues (and I mean seriously exhausting), but those early years wore me out in all dimensions: physical, emotional, and cognitive. Why were my car keys in the refrigerator? Because I … Read More
3 Easy Ways to Encourage (i.e., foster COURAGE to keep trying, do something new, take on a challenge)
The best gift you can give your children this holiday season is . . . Encouragement. You can’t wrap it up, and they won’t be asking for it. But they need it more than anything, and it doesn’t cost a dime. “A child needs encouragement like a plant needs water.” – Rudolf Dreikurs Think of someone in your life who was … Read More
How Positive Discipline (and a chore chart) followed my son to college
I visited my son at college last weekend. A sophomore in off-campus housing, he’d been complaining about the standards of cleanliness among his roommates (in his view, the standards are quite low.) For the first time in my son’s life, there is no one other than the 4 guys who live there to clean up the messes, dishes, or bathrooms. … Read More
Don’t take sides when siblings fight!
I’ve heard it said that when siblings fight, the parent or caregiver should first attend to the victim by giving comfort and attention. This way, bullies aren’t rewarded with attention, and theoretically, they learn to never to repeat the behavior because they actually see the pain they’ve caused. This seems logical enough…but in the long term, deciding who’s right and … Read More
How parenting with a long-term view can transform behavior
While parenting with a long-term view (“long-term parenting”) can completely transform a situation and a relationship, I’ve struggled for years (literally) with how to write about it. I think it might sound a bit boring, and imply that one might not get immediate answers with its practice. Am I right? I imagine readers asking, How will long-term parenting help me … Read More
Back To School Conversation Guide
Every Fall, about a week or two before my kids start school again, we have a “back to school conversation.” When my children were younger (up to around 4th or 5th grade), parents set bedtimes and wake times and then together with our kids, we brainstormed morning and bedtime routines and created routine charts to stay on track. Learn more … Read More
How much screen time is too much?
Everyone seems to know intuitively that too much screen time is not healthy, but no one seems to be able to say how much is too much. Experts (including Dr. Rachel Kowert, PhD and author of A Parent’s Guide to Video Games) note that even the “no more than 2 hours/day” recommendation for young children from the American Academy of … Read More
My child stole his teacher’s brownie. How and what came next…
Chapter 1: Mom Gets Dreaded Phone Call From School I was at work in the middle of the day when my phone began to ring. I looked down and noted the caller’s ID: it was my child’s school. Naturally, my heart began to race, butterflies fluttered in my gut, and my eyes got a bit wider. Do schools know that … Read More
Solve your child’s behavior problem before it happens
As most of you know, I teach Parenting with Positive Discipline classes in a live and virtual classroom setting. In almost all cases, parents in my classes are quite focused on what to do “in the moment” of non-compliance, or back-talk, or any other kind of “misbehavior.” They’re asking questions like these: “What do I do when my child is … Read More
Staying cool, calm, and curious in the face of really irritating behavior . . .
It was Monday night, I was sick, and my husband had been out of town for the long weekend. He arrived home in the evening, intending to stay just long enough to print out tickets for a Warriors game (one his few indulgences, which I am happy he takes) and then go. Our 7 year-old, M, was not happy … Read More
Don’t Back-Talk Back: How Parents Unwittingly Invite Power Struggles and Defiance, and What to Do Instead
If your child is more than six months old, it’s a sure thing that you’ve experienced defiance or a power struggle. Back-talk and attitude generally come later; but once again, these are behaviors all parents have seen at one time or another, if not many times a day. Several years ago, at the airport, I overheard a mother and her … Read More
Tips for Peaceful Holiday Parenting
As the holidays approach, I thought it would be a good time to share some quick tips that make it easier to parent with peace and actually enjoy holiday family time. I’m noticing that I feel a much greater sense of calm heading into the season and I think it’s because I’ve finally taken many of these tips to heart. … Read More