When my children were younger, I was dying for them not to need me so much. I was terribly concerned about them having friends and playdates, and being connected to their peers. Now that they are 11, 15, and 18, I want them back! But it’s harder now. Let’s face it, parents: we’ve got competition. Technology allows our children to … Read More
17 Things You Can Do When Siblings Fight
With summer approaching, the regular morning and evening routines shift or get lost entirely, and siblings have more time together both at home and on vacation. That together time can be joyful and lovely. It can also mean more opportunities for sibling conflict. Parents often ask me, “What can I do when one child is wailing on the other?” I’ve … Read More
One way to get kids to take responsibility for their messes
Wouldn’t it be nice if children would take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves? It seems like such a basic thing; however, if you walk around my house on any given day, you might find: Dried up food bowls in the family room Cheap knick knacks from a birthday party goody bag Little bits of cut up paper, scissors and … Read More
Empathy Opens the Door . . . to problem solving and more
While walking in Lake Tahoe with a friend, my 8 YO daughter ran up to me and said, “I’m dying for some jelly beans!” “Jelly beans are terrible for your body and your teeth,” I replied. My daughter looked up at me, frowned and then ran away. I had literally repelled her with my unfeeling retort. I closed the … Read More
Mom Drops the F-Bomb on Unsuspecting Son
Wow! Sometimes I shock even myself with my behavior. A few days before Christmas was one of those times. If mistakes are opportunities to learn (and I truly believe they are), then this was a BIG opportunity. The holidays can often bring up extra emotion and stress, but this year, I thought I had a handle on it. I consciously … Read More
Four ways to say “no” without actually saying, “NO!”
Four ways to say NO without saying NO! Re-directing away from the negative and toward the positive has always been a big part of Positive Discipline. An interesting article from Psychology Today provides yet more evidence as to why: Every time the brain hears or sees a negative word or image, dozens of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters are released. “If you vocalize your … Read More
I thought my child was being a brat. So I treated her that way. Oops.
I thought my child was being a brat. So I treated her that way. It seemed logical at the time, but my intervention actually invited more bratty behavior. Here’s why . . . “Your explanation of your child’s behavior guides your intervention.” — Ross Greene I will forever be transformed by having read, “The Explosive Child” by Ross Greene. Poorly … Read More
Getting on the same parenting page with your partner
Do you and your partner have different parenting styles? If so, you’re in good company. It comes up all the time and I mean all the time: “How do my partner and I get onto the same parenting page?” One parent is too kind and the other too firm, and they push each other, ever farther to extremes, by compensating … Read More
Two things that help kids WANT to cooperate
Your child’s behavior is not the problem. Really. If your child’s behavior is not the problem, then what is? Some parents reply, “I’m the problem!” It’s true that you may be part of the problem but here’s the real answer . . . The problem is the problem. There’s always something deeper that causes the behavior to show up. Always. … Read More
My struggle to get my child to scoop the freaking litter box – part 2 in a 2-part series on agreements and follow-through
But we had an agreement! Part II: What to do when kids don’t follow through with agreements (over and over again.) I regularly turned my head when I passed it to avoid the irritation bubbling in my chest. It’s not that it was smelly or even that gross (although sometimes it was both.) It was simply a daily reminder of … Read More
But we had an agreement! What to do when children don’t follow through
I’m inspired to write about agreements today because so many of my clients are surprised and even hurt when their children don’t keep them. Here’s a common scenario: You respectfully ask your child for their ideas to make mornings go more smoothly. Your child suggests you get them a new alarm clock so they can get up on their own. … Read More
Three Parenting Beliefs that Kill Your Child’s Creativity, Joy, and Potential (and How to Turn Them Around)
We all carry beliefs that shape our parenting behavior. Many of these beliefs were formed in early childhood and are deeply lodged into our brains. Some of these beliefs are helpful in our quest to raise kind, compassionate, resilient and responsible children. Some of these beliefs are not. These are killer beliefs because they kill creativity, potential, joy, and relationship. … Read More