As most of you know, I teach Parenting with Positive Discipline classes in a live and virtual classroom setting. In almost all cases, parents in my classes are quite focused on what to do “in the moment” of non-compliance, or back-talk, or any other kind of “misbehavior.” They’re asking questions like these: “What do I do when my child is … Read More
Staying cool, calm, and curious in the face of really irritating behavior . . .
It was Monday night, I was sick, and my husband had been out of town for the long weekend. He arrived home in the evening, intending to stay just long enough to print out tickets for a Warriors game (one his few indulgences, which I am happy he takes) and then go. Our 7 year-old, M, was not happy … Read More
Don’t Back-Talk Back: How Parents Unwittingly Invite Power Struggles and Defiance, and What to Do Instead
If your child is more than six months old, it’s a sure thing that you’ve experienced defiance or a power struggle. Back-talk and attitude generally come later; but once again, these are behaviors all parents have seen at one time or another, if not many times a day. Several years ago, at the airport, I overheard a mother and her … Read More
7 Tips for Peaceful Holiday Parenting
As the holidays approach, I thought it would be a good time to share some quick tips that make it easier to parent with peace and actually enjoy holiday family time. I’m noticing that I feel a much greater sense of calm heading into the season and I think it’s because I’ve finally taken many of these tips to heart. … Read More
Trusting your parenting intuition could be a really good thing — especially if you help it along
Many years ago, my mother-in-law told me that I was reading too many books about parenting. She said that I should trust my parenting intuition, because the right answers would just come to me. Her vote of confidence felt lovely…and yet, later that night, what “came to me” was a yelling match when my daughter refused to pick up her … Read More
Scripts to hold limits firmly but not sternly (with kindness and firmness at the same time)
The idea of parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time sounded so appealing when I first heard it. But I still struggled: what does kind and firm parenting look like, in the moment, when my child is driving me crazy and we have to get out the door? How do I hold limits firmly, but not sternly? … Read More
Staying Connected to Your Child in a Peer-Dominated World
When my children were younger, I was dying for them not to need me so much. I was terribly concerned about them having friends and playdates, and being connected to their peers. Now that they are 11, 15, and 18, I want them back! But it’s harder now. Let’s face it, parents: we’ve got competition. Technology allows our children to … Read More
17 Things You Can Do When Siblings Fight
With summer approaching, the regular morning and evening routines shift or get lost entirely, and siblings have more time together both at home and on vacation. That together time can be joyful and lovely. It can also mean more opportunities for sibling conflict. Parents often ask me, “What can I do when one child is wailing on the other?” I’ve … Read More
One way to get kids to take responsibility for their messes
Wouldn’t it be nice if children would take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves? It seems like such a basic thing; however, if you walk around my house on any given day, you might find: Dried up food bowls in the family room Cheap knick knacks from a birthday party goody bag Little bits of cut up paper, scissors and … Read More
Empathy Opens the Door . . . to problem solving and more
While walking in Lake Tahoe with a friend, my 8 YO daughter ran up to me and said, “I’m dying for some jelly beans!” “Jelly beans are terrible for your body and your teeth,” I replied. My daughter looked up at me, frowned and then ran away. I had literally repelled her with my unfeeling retort. I closed the … Read More
Mom Drops the F-Bomb on Unsuspecting Son
Wow! Sometimes I shock even myself with my behavior. A few days before Christmas was one of those times. If mistakes are opportunities to learn (and I truly believe they are), then this was a BIG opportunity. The holidays can often bring up extra emotion and stress, but this year, I thought I had a handle on it. I consciously … Read More
Four ways to say “no” without actually saying, “NO!”
Four ways to say NO without saying NO! Re-directing away from the negative and toward the positive has always been a big part of Positive Discipline. An interesting article from Psychology Today provides yet more evidence as to why: Every time the brain hears or sees a negative word or image, dozens of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters are released. “If you vocalize your … Read More
