When we move so quickly and expect our children to meet our fast pace, the result is that we lose patience, compassion, and connection.
Child melting down? Try this
The story featured below is from Ranjana, mother of two children. She had recently attended a Positive Discipline class where the topic was setting limits. In class, we spent a lot of time talking about how hard it is to allow and accept our children’s big emotions, especially when they are screaming, tantruming, or crying incessantly. It’s uncomfortable (for everyone) … Read More
Top 6 Positive Discipline Tools for Preschoolers and Toddlers
I’ve been through it three times and the thought of doing it again feels absolutely exhausting: parenting toddlers and preschoolers. It’s true that the teen years present some emotionally exhausting issues (and I mean seriously exhausting), but those early years wore me out in all dimensions: physical, emotional, and cognitive. Why were my car keys in the refrigerator? Because I … Read More
3 Easy Ways to Encourage (i.e., foster COURAGE to keep trying, do something new, take on a challenge)
The best gift you can give your children this holiday season is . . . Encouragement. You can’t wrap it up, and they won’t be asking for it. But they need it more than anything, and it doesn’t cost a dime. “A child needs encouragement like a plant needs water.” – Rudolf Dreikurs Think of someone in your life who was … Read More
How Positive Discipline (and a chore chart) followed my son to college
I visited my son at college last weekend. A sophomore in off-campus housing, he’d been complaining about the standards of cleanliness among his roommates (in his view, the standards are quite low.) For the first time in my son’s life, there is no one other than the 4 guys who live there to clean up the messes, dishes, or bathrooms. … Read More
Don’t take sides when siblings fight!
I’ve heard it said that when siblings fight, the parent or caregiver should first attend to the victim by giving comfort and attention. This way, bullies aren’t rewarded with attention, and theoretically, they learn to never to repeat the behavior because they actually see the pain they’ve caused. This seems logical enough…but in the long term, deciding who’s right and … Read More
How parenting with a long-term view can transform behavior
While parenting with a long-term view (“long-term parenting”) can completely transform a situation and a relationship, I’ve struggled for years (literally) with how to write about it. I think it might sound a bit boring, and imply that one might not get immediate answers with its practice. Am I right? I imagine readers asking, How will long-term parenting help me … Read More
My child stole his teacher’s brownie. How and what came next…
Chapter 1: Mom Gets Dreaded Phone Call From School I was at work in the middle of the day when my phone began to ring. I looked down and noted the caller’s ID: it was my child’s school. Naturally, my heart began to race, butterflies fluttered in my gut, and my eyes got a bit wider. Do schools know that … Read More
Don’t Back-Talk Back: How Parents Unwittingly Invite Power Struggles and Defiance, and What to Do Instead
If your child is more than six months old, it’s a sure thing that you’ve experienced defiance or a power struggle. Back-talk and attitude generally come later; but once again, these are behaviors all parents have seen at one time or another, if not many times a day. Several years ago, at the airport, I overheard a mother and her … Read More
Trusting your parenting intuition could be a really good thing — especially if you help it along
Many years ago, my mother-in-law told me that I was reading too many books about parenting. She said that I should trust my parenting intuition, because the right answers would just come to me. Her vote of confidence felt lovely…and yet, later that night, what “came to me” was a yelling match when my daughter refused to pick up her … Read More
Scripts to hold limits firmly but not sternly (with kindness and firmness at the same time)
The idea of parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time sounded so appealing when I first heard it. But I still struggled: what does kind and firm parenting look like, in the moment, when my child is driving me crazy and we have to get out the door? How do I hold limits firmly, but not sternly? … Read More
One way to get kids to take responsibility for their messes
Wouldn’t it be nice if children would take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves? It seems like such a basic thing; however, if you walk around my house on any given day, you might find: Dried up food bowls in the family room Cheap knick knacks from a birthday party goody bag Little bits of cut up paper, scissors and … Read More
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