Many years ago, my mother-in-law told me that I was reading too many books about parenting. She said that I should trust my parenting intuition, because the right answers would just come to me. Her vote of confidence felt lovely…and yet, later that night, what “came to me” was a yelling match when my daughter refused to pick up her … Read More
Scripts to hold limits firmly but not sternly (with kindness and firmness at the same time)
The idea of parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time sounded so appealing when I first heard it. But I still struggled: what does kind and firm parenting look like, in the moment, when my child is driving me crazy and we have to get out the door? How do I hold limits firmly, but not sternly? … Read More
One way to get kids to take responsibility for their messes
Wouldn’t it be nice if children would take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves? It seems like such a basic thing; however, if you walk around my house on any given day, you might find: Dried up food bowls in the family room Cheap knick knacks from a birthday party goody bag Little bits of cut up paper, scissors and … Read More
Empathy Opens the Door . . . to problem solving and more
While walking in Lake Tahoe with a friend, my 8 YO daughter ran up to me and said, “I’m dying for some jelly beans!” “Jelly beans are terrible for your body and your teeth,” I replied. My daughter looked up at me, frowned and then ran away. I had literally repelled her with my unfeeling retort. I closed the … Read More
I thought my child was being a brat. So I treated her that way. Oops.
I thought my child was being a brat. So I treated her that way. It seemed logical at the time, but my intervention actually invited more bratty behavior. Here’s why . . . “Your explanation of your child’s behavior guides your intervention.” — Ross Greene I will forever be transformed by having read, “The Explosive Child” by Ross Greene. Poorly … Read More
Getting on the same parenting page with your partner
Do you and your partner have different parenting styles? If so, you’re in good company. It comes up all the time and I mean all the time: “How do my partner and I get onto the same parenting page?” One parent is too kind and the other too firm, and they push each other, ever farther to extremes, by compensating … Read More
My struggle to get my child to scoop the freaking litter box – part 2 in a 2-part series on agreements and follow-through
But we had an agreement! Part II: What to do when kids don’t follow through with agreements (over and over again.) I regularly turned my head when I passed it to avoid the irritation bubbling in my chest. It’s not that it was smelly or even that gross (although sometimes it was both.) It was simply a daily reminder of … Read More
But we had an agreement! What to do when children don’t follow through
I’m inspired to write about agreements today because so many of my clients are surprised and even hurt when their children don’t keep them. Here’s a common scenario: You respectfully ask your child for their ideas to make mornings go more smoothly. Your child suggests you get them a new alarm clock so they can get up on their own. … Read More
Three Parenting Beliefs that Kill Your Child’s Creativity, Joy, and Potential (and How to Turn Them Around)
We all carry beliefs that shape our parenting behavior. Many of these beliefs were formed in early childhood and are deeply lodged into our brains. Some of these beliefs are helpful in our quest to raise kind, compassionate, resilient and responsible children. Some of these beliefs are not. These are killer beliefs because they kill creativity, potential, joy, and relationship. … Read More
Sugar Buzz or Sugar Bust — What To Do With Too Much Halloween Candy?
Not everyone celebrates Halloween, but if you do, and you’re looking for respectful ways to moderate your child’s sugar consumption this year, keep reading. We face the same problem with Halloween candy every year. I don’t know why it continues to surprise me . . . Last year I was mortified by the two pillowcases full of candy that my tween brought … Read More
3 Easy Ways to “Connect Before Correct” in parenting
Connection Before Correction is one of my all-time favorite Parenting with Positive Discipline mantras. I believe these are words to live by both in the moment of dissatisfying behavior, and in the long run as a foundation for any relationship. Several years ago I began to feel like a nag to my then 11 year-old son so I tracked the … Read More
A Parenting Class Made Me A Better Manager (and Parent)
I’m pleased to share this message from guest-blogger Adam Fishman, a participant in my parenting classes, and VP of Growth Marketing @Patreon. A brief moment of calm in between the chaos. “Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?” — Jane Nelsen, author of … Read More