As most of you know, I teach Parenting with Positive Discipline classes in a live and virtual classroom setting. In almost all cases, parents in my classes are quite focused on what to do “in the moment” of non-compliance, or back-talk, or any other kind of “misbehavior.” They’re asking questions like these: “What do I do when my child is … Read More
Staying cool, calm, and curious in the face of really irritating behavior . . .
It was Monday night, I was sick, and my husband had been out of town for the long weekend. He arrived home in the evening, intending to stay just long enough to print out tickets for a Warriors game (one his few indulgences, which I am happy he takes) and then go. Our 7 year-old, M, was not happy … Read More
Trusting your parenting intuition could be a really good thing — especially if you help it along
Many years ago, my mother-in-law told me that I was reading too many books about parenting. She said that I should trust my parenting intuition, because the right answers would just come to me. Her vote of confidence felt lovely…and yet, later that night, what “came to me” was a yelling match when my daughter refused to pick up her … Read More
17 Things You Can Do When Siblings Fight
With summer approaching, the regular morning and evening routines shift or get lost entirely, and siblings have more time together both at home and on vacation. That together time can be joyful and lovely. It can also mean more opportunities for sibling conflict. Parents often ask me, “What can I do when one child is wailing on the other?” I’ve … Read More
One way to get kids to take responsibility for their messes
Wouldn’t it be nice if children would take responsibility for cleaning up after themselves? It seems like such a basic thing; however, if you walk around my house on any given day, you might find: Dried up food bowls in the family room Cheap knick knacks from a birthday party goody bag Little bits of cut up paper, scissors and … Read More
I thought my child was being a brat. So I treated her that way. Oops.
I thought my child was being a brat. So I treated her that way. It seemed logical at the time, but my intervention actually invited more bratty behavior. Here’s why . . . “Your explanation of your child’s behavior guides your intervention.” — Ross Greene I will forever be transformed by having read, “The Explosive Child” by Ross Greene. Poorly … Read More
Getting on the same parenting page with your partner
Do you and your partner have different parenting styles? If so, you’re in good company. It comes up all the time and I mean all the time: “How do my partner and I get onto the same parenting page?” One parent is too kind and the other too firm, and they push each other, ever farther to extremes, by compensating … Read More
Two things that help kids WANT to cooperate
Your child’s behavior is not the problem. Really. If your child’s behavior is not the problem, then what is? Some parents reply, “I’m the problem!” It’s true that you may be part of the problem but here’s the real answer . . . The problem is the problem. There’s always something deeper that causes the behavior to show up. Always. … Read More
But we had an agreement! What to do when children don’t follow through
I’m inspired to write about agreements today because so many of my clients are surprised and even hurt when their children don’t keep them. Here’s a common scenario: You respectfully ask your child for their ideas to make mornings go more smoothly. Your child suggests you get them a new alarm clock so they can get up on their own. … Read More
Three Parenting Beliefs that Kill Your Child’s Creativity, Joy, and Potential (and How to Turn Them Around)
We all carry beliefs that shape our parenting behavior. Many of these beliefs were formed in early childhood and are deeply lodged into our brains. Some of these beliefs are helpful in our quest to raise kind, compassionate, resilient and responsible children. Some of these beliefs are not. These are killer beliefs because they kill creativity, potential, joy, and relationship. … Read More
3 Easy Ways to “Connect Before Correct” in parenting
Connection Before Correction is one of my all-time favorite Parenting with Positive Discipline mantras. I believe these are words to live by both in the moment of dissatisfying behavior, and in the long run as a foundation for any relationship. Several years ago I began to feel like a nag to my then 11 year-old son so I tracked the … Read More
A Parenting Class Made Me A Better Manager (and Parent)
I’m pleased to share this message from guest-blogger Adam Fishman, a participant in my parenting classes, and VP of Growth Marketing @Patreon. A brief moment of calm in between the chaos. “Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?” — Jane Nelsen, author of … Read More
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